Why I Couldn't Move To Ireland Sooner.

I know that I cannot move out of this horrid house yet. I knew this because of something terrible that happened. It started about five years ago when my father (Ian) was murdered. The police said that it was a hunting accident (my 2 older brothers and my mother were with him while they left me at my granddad's place because I don't like the thought of killing something). Ever since then, my mother has been mentally challenged (due to the fact that she witnesses my father's murder, I'm not for sure if my brothers saw it, though.) I was 16 at the time. Sense then, my mother has tried to kill herself multiple times, tried to murder others and attempt other horrible things. I've recently been taking her to hospitals and mental places to see if they could help her. They would admit her for a few days or weeks but they always said, " She's fine, just under a lot of stress." I knew there was something else wrong with her, though. The Janet Smith I know would never hurt her children. I don't know what could have happened to her on that hunting trip. I told myself, " She loved dad and to witness something that traumatic would change someone." The event changed my entire family actually. My older brothers (Jeremy and Eddie) became isolated and they basically refused to speak to me. They moved as soon as they graduated and left me to take care of our mother by myself (it was like they were trying to ruin my life.)

About a year later, I still had to take my mom to the doctors and mental places. I was getting fed up taking care of her every single day. I wanted to live my life and I've tried asking the doctors what was wrong with her and could I put her in a home. Dr. Normen (therapist) said that it would be a horrible idea and she needs to be with family (she's been with me for let me see, oh ya, 6 years now). I asked everyone I took her too. No matter how many times I have asked the doctors and therapists what she tells them (and why she's in there for hours on end). They normally look at me strangely and say something like, " I know that you and your family are going through a tough time with...everything that has been happening. You know our policy's about not telling what we hear in our client's sessions." God, I wanted to strangle them whenever they said that. They have no clue what it is like to have to take care of this women. She is not only a danger to herself but she is a danger to everyone else. One time I left her in the kitchen for like a second and when I came back she was in a corner holding a fucking knife at me! She started to yell,"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU UGLY BEAST!! YOU MIGHT OF GOTTEN HIM BUT YOU WON'T GET ME TOO!!!!!" I had no clue what that meant at the time.I continued to try to calm her down but that clearly wasn't going to work so, I tried the next best thing. I walked up to her slowly and tried to hit the knife out of her hand (cough, horrible idea, cough) but her reflexes were (surprisingly) fast and she ended up cutting my side. After she did that, though, I think something in her mind clicked and she dropped the knife and called 911.

I finally decided to tell the mental hospital about some of the incidents with my mother I've had. They said that her medicine might not be working or she just was pretending to take it. Dr. Marina Patrica told me, " Tonight, crush her pills up and put them in her food so she will actually be taking them. Make sure to tell her as soon as you get home from this meeting that you went to go speak with the doctor and they said that you no longer have to take your pills. Make sure you sound happy about it." I told the doc that it was an amazing plan and that I wished I thought about it before. When I got home, I began to make supper for her while she was still asleep (it seemed like the only pills she ever took was her sleeping medication.) About an hour later, supper was finished and while setting the table, I put the crushed up pills into her food and made sure I made sure you couldn't tell the difference between both of our plates. So I put the biggest grin on my face and walked into the living room (where she was napping) to tell her the false news. I shook her awake while saying, " Mom, wake up! I've got amazing news that you just have to hear!" When I finally managed to wake her, she didn't say anything and just looked at me. "I went to the doctors and they said you don't need to take your pills anymore!!" She responded, " Really?" "Yes really!" I said as happily as I possibly could. She seemed to relax after I said that. " Come on, I made us a celebrating supper." I said while still smiling.

I couldn't believe that actually worked. She ate everything off of her plate and got extras (by that time I was smiling for real.) To my surprise, she took a real shower. Normally she would just wash her hair in the sink and I don't want to know how she washed everything else so, I never asked (and I'm never going to.) It was about an hour before she got out and came into the living room. "Luke, do you mind helping me clean up in here before I go to bed?" she asked. "Yeah, sure." The reason I'm so happy to help her right now was because she was beginning to act like herself again. After I helped her clean the living room, she grabbed all the blankets off of the couch and carried them into her bedroom. I swear I was going to have a heart attack when she yelled my name. I went running to see what was wrong. " Why is the door locked?" she asked while give me a confused look. "You locked the door when...you know.." is all I could say. Mom put the blankets on the floor and came over to give me a hug for the first time in years. " I'm so sorry Luke. I know that it's still hard for you because it's still hard for me." I started to cry because that was the most nicest thing I've heard her say in well..forever. I found the key for her, gave it to her and said good night. When I went to my room that night to sleep, I thought to myself, " Maybe everything will get better now."

3 months later.

My mom is entirely back to herself. I've still been putting the pills into her food though and the doctors are still saying she needs them. I don't mind it, though, I know she needs them. About a month ago, I went on a date with the greatest person I've met in my entire life. Her name is Anna. I loved spending time with her but, I still had to take care of my mom, though. Sometimes it was difficult to be with Anna and still take care of my mom. I never told her about my mother's situation and why I was always having to leave our date nights. One day, I got a text message from Anna telling me to meet her at her house saying it was important. I told my mom that I had to go do something and she just said, "Okay, be careful." I got to Anna's about 15 minutes later and as soon as I walked into her home she asked me, " Are you cheating on me." I should of saw that coming. I laughed at first and told her that she might want to sit down for what I was about to tell her. It only took 10 minutes to tell her the entire story of what has been happening. When I looked up at her when I was done she looked like she was going to be sick. She started to apologize for thinking that I was cheating and she was really sorry for the situation with my mom. "It's fine Anna, I should have told you sooner." "I'm still sorry.Is it crazy that I want to meet her?" I told her that she could meet my mother next weekend and I told her that supper will be made before she got there so I could slip her pills in. I also told her what subjects were not okay to bring up. I hugged and kissed her goodbye and went home to tell my mom about the visitor that would come next week. When I told her, she was so excited. She started to ask me a million questions at once about Anna and I gladly answered all of them. An hour later, I wasn't scared of Anna meeting my crazy mother anymore.

The week before Anna came over went fast. I took my mom out shopping for some new clothes and she helped me figure out what to make for supper on Friday. When the day finally came, my mom came into my room and woke me up early and told me to take a shower ( because apparently I still smelled bad from last night.) About 15 minutes later, I was dressed nicely and so was my mom. She soon started to ask me more questions about Anna and before I knew, it was time for me to make supper. I told my mom to wait in the living room just in case Anna came early. When I was almost done with supper, I went to my bedroom to grab some crushed up pills for my mom. I looked in there for about 15 minutes but, they were gone. They just vanished. The door bell rang and I was freaking out because my mom NEEDED her pills. I ran into the living room to answer to greet Anna and invite her inside.

Anna came inside and her and my mother started to get to know each other better. In a total of about five minutes, it was like they were best friends. The oven beeped and Anna went to the bathroom real quick to freshen up. I walked into the kitchen with my mother and asked her, "Do you like her?" She said, "Yes she is a rather nice girl." Anna came back into the room and my mother glared at me like I did something wrong. All I was thinking was, "Shit. She found out." They just continued their conversation while they ate their meal. I of course, didn't exactly want to listen to their ensconce and I soon started to zone off. After I was done, I excused myself from the table, set my plate in the sink and walked into the living room. I sat on the couch and turned the tv on and flipped through the channels. I settled on watching (don't judge) The Amazing World Of Gumball.

I must have passed out on the couch. As soon as I realized this I pulled my phone out of my back pocket to check the time. To my horror, two to three hours had passed. I could hear someone humming in the kitchen and the clatter of dishes in the sink. I got off of the couch slowly and walked to the kitchen to find my mother washing the dishes. "Where's Anna?" I asked. " Oh you passed out on the couch and she told me not to wake you." she said rather cheerful. "Okay but that still doesn't answer my question." my mom turned to look at me and said," She wasn't feeling very good so I gave her a pill and I sent her to your room to lay down for a bit." "Thanks, mom. Also, do you like her?" I asked. "She seems to be a good girl." is all she said and went back to washing the dishes. I walked down the hall to my room and opened the door. I saw a figure of someone laying in my bed. "Must be Anna." I thought to myself. As soon as I walked into the room, I smelled something horrible. It smelled like something..rotting. I just ignored it after I cringed. "How can she sleep with that awful smell?" I thought. I walked toward my bed and the smell got worse with ever step I took. I was soon hovering over the figure and I spoke quietly, "It's time to wake up Anna." No response. Speaking louder this time, "Anna, wake up." Still no response. I tugged on the covers to pull them off of her. When I did, I saw her eyes. They were open with a blank stare. I stood there, horrified. I felt some tears start to fall down my face. Continuing to pull the covers down, I saw the puncture wound which still had blood pouring out of it. I stood there for what seemed like, forever. I heard my mom call my name, "Luke! Can you help me get rid of the trash real quick dear?!" I walked over to my bedroom door, closed it and locked it. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed 911.

When the police arrived I heard a gun shot. "Open the door. This is the police." An officer said. I got up and opened the door and I pointed over to the bed. I walked out of my room with another officer and she started to ask me questions about what happened. They drove me to the police station with them and asked it I wanted to see my mom to tell her goodbye. I said, " I never want to see her again." The officer said, " I understand you're upset but, she's dying." I looked her in the eyes and this time I said, "That woman is evil. She kills everything I love and I wouldn't be surprised if you find my brothers remains buried in the yard somewhere. " The officer knew I was being sarcastic and said, "Do you mind if we look, just in case." I said, "Go ahead." Later that night, my mother died in a hospital bed and the police found both of my brother's remains and a note that went along with them. They found my father's journal that he used to write in and handed it to me with a page marked in it. "We now know how your father died. This might come as a shock to you. Would you like to read it." I said yes. The journal contained my father's last words and everything that happened on the hunting trip. It said that he was planning to murder my mother there because when I was born, she started to go insane. The doctors gave her pills for it but, they either stopped working or she stopped taking them. He said," When she was in her right state of mind, she made me promise that if she started to lose herself completely she wanted me to put her out of her misery." The last six pages of his journal contained their hunting trip and on the last three pages, there were words written in blood. They said, "I'm so sorry I couldn't stop her" When I read that I burst into tears. I didn't care that I couldn't control my sobbing. When I almost was done crying, I turned the last page. "You will regret this forever." It was my mother's handwriting. After all that happened, I finally had a chance to change everything. I moved in with someone that started to like me when I was dating Anna. She lived in Ireland so, I moved in with her and forgot everything that happened.